Earthquake high gravity lager

Tonight is thanksgiving, and I have been trying to finish a can of Earthquake high gravity lager for nearly three hours now.  This malt liquor is owned by the same company that makes the now infamous Four Loko energy beers. Earthquake is also 12% alcohol, and it is also...abhorrent.
As a beer it is an interesting beast.  It really isn't so hard to swallow.  Unlike Four Loko, I have not really noticed any sharp solvent flavors or fusel alcohols.  But the beer is exceedingly sweet.  It almost reminds me of high alcohol beers like dopplebocks or barleywines, but without the level of complex flavors that those beers have.  This taste of this beer is very simple: malt and adjuncts.  I don't even really think that there are any hops in this beer.  The alcohol is probably high enough to replace the preservative qualities of the hops.  And if they are putting so much malt into such a cheap beer, they might just need to cut corners in a few places.  Basically, this is like drinking pure fermented malt syrup.  It actually kind of reminds me of some of the sweeter Belgian style beers that I have had, but by no means in a good way.  The mouthfeel is really slimey.  It sticks to your tongue and wiggles down your throat.  There is a slight grape juice taste to it, which actually helps get you through the first few sips.  Really, for what this is- a cheap source of rocket fuel to keep the the poor wasted- it isn't that bad.  It just shouldn't be thought of as beer.  It actually kind of tastes like an unflavored Four Loko.  Given the folks who are making it, I wouldn't be surprised.

3.5 out of 5 PUKES!

UP NEXT: a tasting of dark beers from Japan.

Is there a beer or wine that makes you gag just thinking about it? let me know down in the comment section below.